Why Tobias? A Father’s Perspective

Clay here.  I’m not the blogging type.  That joy goes to Whitney.  I’m not sure why, but it probably has to do with the fact that I don’t particularly like to do anything longer than about 12 minutes.  Anyway, I was supposed to preach at our church this past weekend, and when asked, I asked our Pastor, Brian, if I could just share my heart about our adoption journey.  He, of course, said I could.  Well, Tobias had some procedures that required us to be in Jackson for a couple of days last week and I had several book reviews to get caught up on, and I asked if it would be trouble to find someone else, and Stephen, our worship Pastor, took care of it and did a GREAT job.

Anyway, point being, I want to share our heart in some way, and this is the most logical way to do it.  Whitney and I have always seen adoption as a priority in our lives.  We always knew we would adopt.  We were always in agreement that it would one day happen.  However, I always thought it would be when we were older and had a nice savings account.  However, Dr. Russell Moore ripped that to shreds when he said at a conference we went to, “If God has given you the desire to adopt, he will provide the way for you to adopt.”  So, we stepped out in faith.  This was probably the biggest faith step that I have ever taken.  I mean, I have a couple of part time jobs, and Whitney is a teacher.  We aren’t exactly affluent.  Through it all, though, God provided, and he continues to.  How can we doubt his provisions when we are obedient?  I am reminded of all the great people of faith all throughout Scripture.  Moses, Abraham, David, Rahab, and so on…

I’m not going to pretend, though, that the waiting always made sense.  We would constantly wonder about God’s plan for us, and when the end of this journey would be.  However, I thought that the “faith” part of this journey would one day be over, and we would be raising a baby just like any other parent.  I now realize that even the easiest child would require lots of faith.  

I’ll spare the story about how we found out about Tobias having Cystic Fibrosis or what that disease even is… (all that information is below in previous posts by Whitney).  After a couple of days of tears and questions, we came to terms with that disease.  We met with friends, educated ourselves, and accepted that God has given us this baby in his sovereign plan.  I’ll just say, I am usually the emotionally stable one in our marriage, and Whitney was like a rock in this, while I was a blubbering mess.  But as I said, we eventually came to terms with it, and God’s comfort surrounded us.  Initially, he kept reminding me of his word in 2 Corinthians when he said, “My Grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in your weakness…”  At a time where I was most weak, I found comfort in his strength.  

Eventually, I made my way to Psalm 139, a passage that has always been my pro-life verses.  God reminded me, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mothers womb.  I praise you for I am fearfully and wonderfully made… My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, THE DAYS THAT WERE FORMED FOR ME WHEN AS YET THERE WAS NONE OF THEM.”

You see, just because Tobias has a disease that may shorten his life, none of this was a surprise to God.  I don’t know why, but that became such a comfort to me.  Then, good hearted people began to question how we would deal with such a disease over the course of his life, and our genuine answer was “I don’t know…”  But I was led to Matthew 25 when Jesus says, “I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.”  I thought, there isn’t one of those (except maybe the prison one, but I’ll just call the NICU his prison… ha), that does not apply to Tobias.  And then, Jesus says, “as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”  Tobias is our calling.  There are other callings such as these all around us each day, but for us, if we were to abandon him, I believe we would have been truly haunted by this text for the rest of our lives.

So, no, the faith part of our adoption journey is not over.  It has only just begun.

Grace and Peace,

Clay Taylor

Living with Cystic Fibrosis…

A lot has happened since my last blog. First, it has been confirmed that Tobias does have CF. His second mutation is very rare and was found in a blood screening they had to send off for testing. On January 8, Tobias had his ostomy reversed and on the 17^th we brought him home!!

Since bringing him home we have been busy! We have had to take him to an urgent care, two CF clinics, two visits to the pediatrician, a two night stay in the hospital, and today he had a colonoscopy done to dilate a narrowing in his intestine caused by scar tissue from his previous surgery. I’ve come to the realization that hospitals will be our second home. He has been such a trooper through it all.

A few months ago, I was oblivious to what cystic fibrosis even was. Now, this disease consumes my everyday life. I’m constantly aware of it and it effects almost all the decisions I make about Tobias. Tobias has a daily routine for his care. He currently takes 16 capsules of enzymes a day, a multivitamin to help him absorb his food, zantac three times a day to help with reflux and to help the enzymes work, salt once a day in his formula, and we have to complete chest therapy twice a day for twenty minutes. He also will start meeting with a physical therapist once a week for an hour.  He will eventually get a nebulizer and begin breathing treatments.These things are not something he will “grow out of”. He will have to do these things for the rest of his life to stay well.

I must admit that I have never been germaphobic. I guess being a school teacher made me used to all the yuck that goes around. However, I find myself cringing at every possibility of germs. I try to protect Tobias as best as I can during these months of his life where he may be at his weakest. I do not like him to be passed around, and we try to make sure people wash or sanitize their hands before they touch or hold him. (Please don’t be offended if we ask you to do this.) I worry when Tobias is around other children. I’m more aware of his things touching public things. I know this makes me sound like a crazy protective mom, but the slightest cold that our bodies can handle could put him in the hospital.

As of now, Tobias’ lungs sound great. The doctors have not mentioned much mucus build up. His biggest obstacle now is digestive. We are excited to announce that he is finally weighing in the double digits! At three months old, he weighs 10lb. 11oz. This is a huge celebration since cystic fibrosis children have a hard time gaining weight and with his adnominal issues since birth.

All that said, I have fallen in love with this sweet boy! I can’t imagine our lives being any other way. I can sit and look at him all day and thankfulness fills my heart. I am blessed to be given the responsibility to be his mom. I have many weak moments when I allow myself to think of the “what ifs” that the future holds for him, but the Lord quickly reminds me that HE is in control! His sweet spirit calms my heart and I am reminded that HE IS GOOD and His ways are perfect.

Praising Him through this storm…

This is a blog post I have been praying I would not have to write….

I’ve fought back the tears many times convincing myself that it can’t be true. Denial – I guess, hoping that this diagnosis must be wrong, but reality has slowly crept in these past two weeks as I met with several doctors face to face. I listened intently as they explained to me what was wrong with Tobias and treatments they would begin that will help, but not cure my child. I must apologize for my vagueness when you ask how things are going. I have given you simple answers.  I apologize for my lack of explanations in referring to tests that Tobias has had. The truth is Tobias has been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. This is a life-threatening genetic disease that effects his respiratory and digestive systems that currently has no cure. Many years ago, children with cystic fibrosis did not even live long enough to reach elementary school. However, it is encouraging to hear that lots of research has been done and treatments are better now than ever before. Average age for a person with cystic fibrosis is now in the 40s.

To have cystic fibrosis both parents must pass down a defective CF gene. Even when both parents are carriers of cystic fibrosis, there is only a 1 in 4 chance of getting it. Currently, they have only found one cystic fibrosis mutation (gene) in Tobias. It is the Delta F508 gene that is the most severe and common. Usually, if a person only has one gene they are considered a carrier of cystic fibrosis instead of having it. However, Tobias has shown many signs and symptoms of cystic fibrosis and is now being treated for it. Although they have only found one gene, the doctors are 99-100% sure he has CF.

As stated before, Tobias was born with a meconium cyst that caused a perforated bowel. Within 24 hours of his birth, Tobias had his first surgery to correct this, causing him to have an ostomy. This was the first indicator for the doctors that he could possibly have cystic fibrosis. Once they did the newborn screening (as they do for all newborns), they found the Delta F508 CF gene.  Tobias has had several sweat tests during this time to test for CF. The first was negative and very normal. This made us all believe that Tobias may just be a carrier of CF instead of having it. However, the doctors just wanted to be sure so, a second sweat test was done. The second test was very much positive and gave off very high numbers. This was the second indicator for the doctors that he may actually have it. His third sweat test was inconclusive (not negative or positive – in the grey area).

Tests have shown that Tobias has a pancreatic insufficiency, which means that his pancreas does not have the normal enzymes to break down food and also another indicator for the doctors. It has been a little over a week that Tobias has started medicine for this that he will have for the rest of his life. Before every meal and/or snack Tobias will take enzymes to help him digest his food. He is now taking these enzymes with apple sauce! Because people with cystic fibrosis do not regulate their sodium chloride levels well, he is also having to add salt to his formula. This will help break apart the thick mucus that may develop in his lungs and pancreas. After meeting with the CF doctors, I have been told this is only the beginning of what is to come. Soon Tobias may have to have breathing treatments and take more medicine depending on how severe his case may get. Right now, it seems like he has more of a digestive issue than respiratory. We are still waiting on the results of a blood test that will determine any other cystic fibrosis mutations that the hospital has not found, and Tobias will have another sweat test before leaving the hospital.

I can’t explain the peace I feel in the midst of this chaos. I know without a doubt in my mind that Tobias is our baby that God has chosen for us. My heart hurts seeing him struggle and knowing that the road before him may not always be easy. I know that Tobias will always be sick and that we potentially will visit the hospitals frequently. I understand that the care for Tobias may be strenuous. I’ve been asked if I am sure that, knowing what I know about Tobias, we should move forward in this adoption. Knowing that I could possibly live longer than my own child – knowing the expenses of medications, treatments, and hospital stays – knowing that as each day passes his condition is getting worse and worse – knowing that there is currently no cure – knowing that he may not get to participate in things he wants – knowing that his frequent cough may not just keep him up all night, but me too – knowing that he will have to have a special diet – knowing all of these things has not made me want him any less, but only more! The Lord has given us the responsibility of taking care of Tobias, and although I don’t feel adequate or strong enough it has taught me to rely on Him! The peace I have in my heart that we are making the right decision is overwhelming. I have had many weak moments, but I am reminded that His power is made perfect in my weakness. I may not know the days that Tobias has on this earth, but I do know that the Lord has put him in my life to draw me closer to Him. He has broken me to the point where all I can do is trust and put my full faith in His plans and provisions. Tobias may have this disease, but he has been fearfully and wonderfully made. This has not caught the Lord by surprise, and His plans for his life will prevail. I have been told that in his six weeks of life he has already touched the lives of so many. He is such a little fighter. We have been more than blessed, and are so very thankful. We will continue to praise Him during this storm. God is good!!!

What I have learned from Tobias…

Our world has been rocked for the three short weeks we have known about Tobias. I still feel like my head is in the clouds, and I have to constantly remind myself this is real! I’m FINALLY a mommy! It will not really hit me until we are home with him, but I am enjoying my time with him now during Christmas break in the NICU. It’s been great getting to see and hold him every day instead of short (frequent – I might add) phone calls to the hospital we have done while being away. Since we have received the call, we have had two wonderful baby showers, focused on getting his nursery ready, and praying, praying, praying for healing.

We are still waiting on some tests that have been sent off for further diagnosis. We are expecting him to stay in the hospital for at least another month. (It hurts my heart having to type that – “another month”!) It’s not the ideal situation that we dreamed of, but we are confident this is what we have been called to. This journey has strengthened us in so many ways, and although I have only known Tobias for three weeks he sure has taught me so much already. Sweet reminders that I need to focus on while he is in the NICU and even after. I would like to share those with you….

1.     1.   Be patient! As stated before, this is not the situation we thought we would be in. I would have loved to bring him home as soon as we met him at the hospital for the first time, but I have been reminded that he is right where he needs to be and at the appropriate time – he will be with us at home. I also have to be patient with his feedings. Because of his digestive issue, he takes a while to eat only a little bit. I also have learned during this adoption journey patience for God to place with us the child for us. During this journey, we received a few calls about possible placements. In fact, we were actually chosen by a birthmom in August, but she decided to parent the child instead. It was hard hearing that news, but I knew and trusted that God had a better plan for us and we just needed to wait a little longer….

2.    2.    TRUST – Trusting the Lord during this journey to provide us a child was what kept me going. I knew that we had been called to adopt, so it made it easier holding on to that promise. Not only trusting the Lord will provide, but also trusting the doctors and nurses at the hospital. I have really questioned some of the decisions they have made, but I have learned that they know best and I have to trust that they will help make him well.

3.       3. This is NOT our home – I, along with all his visitors, have mentioned going home. I sit and tell him all about what it will be like. I talk about playing with Cooper and Izzy and that we will stroll around the neighborhood and when he is bigger play ball in the backyard. I talk about all the people he will meet and all of the people praying for him. I remind him that he will not be here long, and although he looks comfortable that this is not his home! Ive been reminded that in my own life I get a little too comfortable in this world, and I have to be reminded that THIS world is not my home!

4.     4.   There is a problem when you get disconnected ! – In the NICU you can imagine all the cords that are connected to babies. Well – he sure has a lot of them! Sometimes it is hard to hold him and they get tangled easily. Because we hold him a lot and he is passed around, some of them fall off and become disconnected to the monitors. When this happens, it alerts the nurses that something is wrong. You hear a loud beeping sound and they come over to see what was wrong and to fix it. Its hard to see him connected to all of these things, and it sure does make it hard to change his diaper and move him around. I have been reminded that a part of these cords are his IVs that provide him nutrients so he can get bigger and stronger. This made me think of my personal relationship with Christ and how when I get disconnected from him and do not spend time in his word – there is a problem! You can see it in my attitude and speech, and I tend to become self centered. There is not a beeping sound that goes off, but you can definitely identify when I have become disconnected – ask Clay!

5.       5. Sometimes you just need to cry for help – Tobias’ little cry can definitely be recognized. He does not cry often, but you can hear him when he does! He does not like to be moved or bothered and will let you know all about it. However, just like all babies he cries when something is wrong or when he needs help. During this process, I have learned to do that more. Letting people know when I , or we, need help. I can’t stress enough the importance or your prayers and results for this final test. We are truly praying for a miracle and ultimate healing that only our Father can provide. We have and are still preparing our hearts for what is to come. I have sat many days here in Jackson just crying thinking about what the future may hold for us. Wondering why the Lord chose ME to be his mom. It certainly will not be an easy road we are going to travel, but I know the Lord will see us through. He will continue to provide and stay close to us along the way.

My heart will still say…..GOD IS GOOD!!

THE CALL – Meet: Tobias Reid….

WARNING: This is a long post, but we did not want to leave out any details, so we could remember this special time!

The question has always crossed my mind of where I will be and what will I be doing when we get “the call.” Scenarios of how it would all happen would replay over and over in my mind. There were not too many days that passed that I did not imagine getting that call. Each late night, I would convince myself that it was just not today.  For almost 14 months, I waited for this moment…..

Wednesday (12-4-13) – Clay and I were excited to find out that Shane and Shane and Phil Wickham were playing a concert close to our hometown. We looked at the date and realized it was a Wednesday night. Usually, Clay teaches the youth on Wednesday night, but we planned instead to go to this concert inviting the church and youth to go as well. It was a time we were really looking forward to! The concert was in the same town in which I work, so my original plan was to stay in town and just meet Clay and the others at the church where the concert was. However, as the time came near I just felt like I would go ahead and go home and just ride to the concert with the group. We did not have a large group going, but we also had some of our dearest friends join us, Adam and Amy. They have been with us every step of the way during this adoption journey. In fact, they went with us to the adoption conference two Februarys ago that started this whole journey.

So, we get to the concert, pass out the tickets, and head inside to get our seats. We choose to sit on the second row and were so excited for the concert to start. It was about mid-way through the concert, and I had text my younger brother, who was also there, about how I loved Phil Wickham and his amazing voice. He responded back, and it was then that I received a text message that I assumed was from him since we had been talking back and forth. I felt the vibration in my pocket and pulled out my phone. It was not from Mason, my younger brother. It was a text from our adoption worker. She asked if Clay and I would call her together as soon as we could, and that she had some things to ask and talk with us about. My heart began racing because usually she does not ask to talk to us “together.” If she wants something she would just ask me or ask him. So, I showed Clay the text message, and he gave me a funny look. I sat there thinking…we do not need to hold this off any longer .It was about 8:30. So, I motioned to him to walk out and I followed behind. We walked outside the church and called her back. When she answered the phone, her voice sounded uplifting and she immediately said, “I have a baby for you! It’s a boy!” She began telling us all the facts about the baby, the situation, and about the birth mom. She said that the birth mom did choose us and that she wanted to meet us as well. We were on the phone for what seemed like forever, just asking questions and inquiring and learning more about this baby. It was very hard to hear her because of the noise you could hear from the concert, even outside. Then, it was intermission and people were walking outside. We just stood there listening to her go on and on about this baby. Clay and I looked at each other hopeful that this was ours. She asked us to call her after the concert and we would go over all of this again and to begin praying that the Lord would give us peace and wisdom in this situation if this was our son. So, we hang up the phone, looked at each other and we completely overwhelmed!! My heart was beating so fast! Before walking back into the building, I looked down at my phone and Amy had text asking if we had got a call. When we walked back in, it was still intermission so everyone was standing around talking. I was holding back tears as best as I could. We walked back to our seats and Amy looked up at me, and I just shook my head yes! She started crying, I started crying, and Clay started crying! We were so excited! The rest of the concert was such a blur! I just sat there crying and praying over this child and hopeful that he would be ours. I was anxious to leave to tell our family about our news. My brother of course was the first in our family to know because he was there, but I swore him to secrecy. Side note: The same building we had the adoption conference in that lead us to start this adoption process is the same building we found out about being chosen. God’s plan and ways are good!

I have always thought of the way we would tell our family we have a baby, but it was not what I had imagined it to be. We did not get home until around 10-10:30. We wanted to see the reacts of their faces when we told them, so we asked them to “facetime” with us. Asking your family to facetime with you anytime is different, but at 10:30 – they must had known something was up. So, we asked each one if they were finished Christmas shopping yet. Some answered honestly and others just sat there puzzled by the question. So, we said, “You may have someone else to shop for!” My mom asked  if I was pregnant. I guess she did not realize that when we said we could get the call anytime for a baby, we meant it! They were all so excited and it was good sharing the excitement with them. We answered all of their questions and knew that we still needed to call our adoption worker back. So, we called and wrote down all the facts about the situation.

We found out that he was born on November 24^th in Jackson, MS at The University of Mississippi Medical Center (UMMC) with a perforated bowel, which means that he was born with a hole in his bowel that was causing things not to digest properly. He had to have emergency surgery to remove part of his bowel and now has an ostomy bag until his second surgery. His second surgery, we have been told, will correct everything! We also were told that he could possibly have a heart murmur and cystic fibrosis. We were told that the mother did choose us and had already relinquished her parental rights. We were asked to pray about all of these things before saying yes. Our adoption worker told us to call her with our decision as soon as we could. So at this time it was about 12:00, and I was supposed to go to sleep?! Let’s just say that the Lord did put my mind to rest and I got almost three and a half hours of sleep.

Thursday (12-5-13) -Clay and I went to work as usual. I was on my phone ALL day getting updates on the baby and test that they were running. We were back and forth with our adoption worker getting more information. I was in the school building, but my mind was NOT there! I was just praying for peace about if this baby was for us, and I felt it! I knew in my heart, this was it! I talked to Clay several times throughout the day about what he was thinking and he felt the same way. We told our adoption worker that we felt this baby was ours, and she rejoiced with us. She wanted a name as soon as possible. What…you mean – I just found out not even 24 hours ago I have a baby and I have to give you a name now?!  I had been keeping a list of baby names I have discovered and liked over the years, so we started with that. Clay and I did not usually agree on names. I am not a fan of normal names. I love unique names with special meanings, and Clay does not share that same love of mine! J One of the names on my list was “Tobias.” Clay has actually liked that name. I think because it was the name of one of MSU’s football players. However, when we found out what it meant. We were completely sold! Tobias is a Greek name for “God is good!” That has been my song of praise throughout this whole journey. I, and many others, have said “God is good! He has worked everything out!” It has been true. God has provided for us every step of the way and orchestrated a beautiful story that I could have never dreamed of. So, we decided we would name him Tobias, and we sing that praise over him!

Thursday night, we called our adoption worker again with the name and made plans to meet him and the birth mom this weekend. I had planned to take off half a day Friday so that we could get down there as soon as possible! I  also had a Thirty-One party that had been scheduled for awhile that night. The reason I started selling Thirty-One was to raise money for this adoption. At every party, I was sharing our decision to adopt and my reason for starting the business. This time – I got to share some better news!! I told them that we had been chosen for a baby! I did not eat much that day, and did not sleep much that night as well.

Friday (12-6-13) – We were expecting bad weather to come into our area with ice. We were told to watch the news about possible school closings and they were predicting the roads to get bad. This was NOT going to stop us from going to see our baby!! I was thrilled to find out that we were getting out of school at lunch and would not have to take a personal half day to leave. Good is good – isn’t He?! So, as soon as the kids left, Clay and I drove to Jackson. We were planning on going to the Bethany office first, talk with the birth mom’s pregnancy counselor and then going to the hospital and meeting Tobias, the hospital social worker and the Tobias’ doctor. On the way, we were told to go straight to the hospital so that we could meet the doctor and not miss her. The drive down there was a rainy one, but the roads were fine. We arrived at the hospital and met the hospital social workers. They were so nice and really excited for us. The doctor was finishing something up, so we decided to see Tobias first. We took our coats, rings, and watches off, scrubbed our hands for three minutes, put on a gown and walked into the NICU. He was beautiful and perfect in every way. We were immediately in love and our hearts will filled with joy! It really just was so surreal. We got teary eyed and they were taking pictures of us. We held him for a few minutes and then told the doctor was ready to meet with us. We went into a conference room and we talked about his health. We were so impressed with her. She was so compassionate about his situation and really seemed interested in us. She was not one of those doctors that seemed they had better places to be. She wanted us to know all the facts and answered all of our questions and concerns. We were told that he does have a heart murmur, but that it is nothing to be concerned about. We were also told that he was given a sweat test, and does not have cystic fibrosis. They will be running another test to see if he might be a carrier of it instead. We immediately wanted to know – when can he come home!? She said that he can’t come home until he is eating and digesting things on his own well. Right now, he is getting most of his nutrients through an IV. He is limited 14 ml of formula and what he does not eat on his own, he is given the rest through a feeding tube. He has taken all of his formula a few times. We are praying BIG things for Tobias and his healing. They are expecting him to be there for at least 30 more days, and his second surgery in about 6-8 weeks. This could all change depending on how he does. We spent the rest of the day loving on our sweet boy. That night we fed him, changed his diaper, took his temperature, and learned how to change his ostomy bag.

Saturday (12-7-13) That morning we woke up and went shopping for a gift for Tobias’ birth mom. The whole time I was thinking nothing compares to the greatest gift she has given us. My nerves were crazy. My stomach was turning, and I was unsure about what to expect. After getting a  gift, we went to the hospital to see/feed Tobias. He actually did not have his feeding tube back in until this morning. They said that they really want him taking the whole 14 ml and that this was the only way to ensure he would. Clay’s mom and sister came down to see Tobias and we went out for lunch. I could barely eat anything. Then it was time to meet his birth mom. We headed to Bethany’s office. I could feel I was already getting emotional. What do you say to someone who has given you the greatest gift? You can only say thank you so much! We sat in the lobby of the office waiting for her to come. She walked out and she was just so beautiful! She has the sweetest personality and the meeting could not have gone any better – more than I could have ever expected!! It was such a peaceful time with her. We talked, cried, laughed, and shared stories. It was really neat seeing how much alike we were. Her parents were there with her as well, and came out to talk once we had our special time with her. They were just as lovely as she was, and we are so thankful we got that time with her. It was a very emotional time, and we will remember it always.

After we met with her, we went back to the hospital with Clay’s mom and sister. They were so excited and anxious to get in there. Tobias can only have two visitors at a time, so it was like a carousel of in and out of the NICU – washing our hands and putting on our gowns for the next several hours ensuring we all get our time in! Adam and Amy came to visit as well and get into the mix of the in and outs of the NICU. He was so loved on that day! We are so blessed to have family and friends that travel to see our precious son. We were over the moon excited to share this time with them.

We went out to eat with Adam and Amy that night for dinner, and back up to the hospital to say goodbye to Tobias. I knew this time was nearing and my heart was beginning to break. Clay fed him for the last time this weekend and he took all 14 ml. It was good to see that for us as we were leaving him. I held him in my arms rocking him and just began crying. Excited that he was mine and devastated I was leaving him for 5 days. It was getting near 9, and I knew we needed to head back home. It was hard to leave and I could not stop crying. The nurse got me some Kleenex and we just stood over him rubbing his sweet head and telling him we would be back. I just had to walk away, and Clay said that as he looked back the nurses were crying too! Walking away was so hard. We were both crying walking down the hallway and back to the car. I know that he will be taken care of, but I miss him so much! This week is going to be a long one.

We are so excited and overwhelmed with how fast all of this has happened. We are completely in love with this little boy and can’t wait to bring him home so you all can love on him too! We had a weekend of a whirlwind of emotions, and look forward to being with him again.

We have been asked what people can do for us. More than ANYTHING, we need your prayers –

-Pray for Tobias and that he will take more formula and less IV – that he will digest it all well and for quick healing.

– Pray for us as we are away from him – it is seriously the hardest thing I have ever done!

-Pray for us financially and that the Lord will continue to provide for us in that way. There are still several upcoming expenses that we are looking at in the future – especially traveling back and forth to Jackson.

-Pray that everything will work out for my insurance/school leave for bringing him home.

-Pray for Tobias’ doctors and nurses

– Pray Tobias’ birth mom that she will experience His peace and comfort in her life

We are so thankful for all of you and your prayers. Also, THANK YOU to the Rosenthal family in Madison for giving us a place to lay our heads on such short notice!  GOD IS GOOD!!

One Year Down….

It’s hard to believe that it’s almost been a year since we were approved for our adoption. I fully expected to wait this long, but longing in my heart that I wouldn’t have to. Waiting has not always been easy, but I am thankful that the Lord has used this time to prepare us.  It has been amazing to see the Lord moving during this process. That just at the right times, the times when we need encouragement the most, the Lord provides!

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was having a hard time at work and things just seemed to be a bit overwhelming. I was starting to feel discouraged and defeated. We had just moved into our new house and the stress of work was becoming a bit too much. I really had not stopped to realize that our adoption had almost reached a year and an updated home study was soon approaching. So, I logged on to our agency’s portal, a communication between families and the agency, to see if anything from our adoption worker had been posted about this. And, there was! Our adoption worker e-mailed us the necessary paperwork to update our home study and at the very end of the e-mail she requested that I call her. Realizing the date that she sent it was four days prior to me checking it, I was unsure if she still needed to talk to me and thought that if it was really important she would have called. However, the next day I text her that we just received the home study information and that if she still needed to talk then to call me. She did…just at the right time! She started out by apologizing for not sending the paper work sooner to give us more time to update our home study. Then, she went on to tell me the reason. She said just a few weeks prior to her sending the e-mail we were chosen by a birthmother. However, the birthmother at the last minute decided to parent the child instead. At that moment, a flood of emotions fell over me. Excited that we were chosen, devastated it did not happen, but thrilled the child will be with their mother. It truly is something to celebrate. Our adoption worker was so encouraging. She said that our profile book is one of the most looked at there and that many couples have been interested in us, but that they have had several choose to parent after going through counseling. She has said to me several times that our names come up all the time, and that something about us is drawing us to them. I needed to hear those words. My heart was full of joy being reminded that God is in control!

As exciting as those words were, the truth is that was just not the baby that God has for us. He has already ordained and orchestrated who Baby T will be, and we are just waiting for his beautiful plan to unfold. So, as we enter into year two we are hopeful still and trusting God. Waiting for the emptiness of the nursery to be filled, waiting for our new home to be messy with toys, waiting for the longing in our hearts to be held in our arms.

Here’s to year two….

Ch-Ch-Changes…

I admit it…I am a horrible blogger! And, I can’t use the excuse that there has not been anything to blog about because there has! Lots has happened since February, so let me update you on all the CHANGES!

First, I knew at the beginning of this year that I was not going to return to my school for the next school year. This was for several reasons. One was because of the long commute. I also did not agree with things that were going on in the school district and the direction it was heading in. I started to notice I was becoming a teacher I NEVER wanted to be, and  overall I just felt the Lord was moving me in a new direction. So, because we live in Desoto County and the schools here are known to be good, I started applying for positions. I have several friends that work in Desoto County and I knew that surely it would be the perfect place to be. After applying and contacting principals with little to no feedback, I started to get concerned that I would not have a job for the upcoming school year. Clay mentioned applying to Senatobia School District, and it was not something I was opposed to. I was just really hoping and holding out for a Desoto County job. Little did I know, the Lord had a bigger and more perfect plan. I have been learning lately that sometimes God’s answer is no, and that is not a bad thing! With all that said, I am excited to say that I will be teaching 4^th grade Reading/Language Arts in Senatobia. This was not MY first choice, but this was God’s perfect plan all along. I have family that lives in that area, so I know once we are placed with a child that it will be very helpful. Teaching in Senatobia will also be closer to home, which brings me to my next change….

At the end of June, Clay and I decided to put our house on the market to “see what would happen”. We were interested in moving, but were not in a hurry to do so. We had the attitude that if it sales great, if it doesn’t that’s okay too. Well, SIX DAYS LATER…we had a contract on our house! I never in my wildest dreams thought it would have gone that fast. We have put a contract on a new house in Hernando, and hope to close on both houses at the end of August. We are thankful the Lord has provided in this way for us before our baby gets here!

And lastly, in May I decided to start my own small business. After attending a couple of Thirty-One parties, I signed up to be a consultant. Thirty-One is a company that stands on Christian values. It gets its name from Proverbs 31. In case you are not familiar with it, they sell fun and functional bags/totes/purses. I knew that this would be a fun and easy way to help fund our adoption, and I have already seen the Lord bless this since May. I am so thankful to many of you who have helped me become successful in this endeavor. I love having a gateway to talk about our adoption and purpose of selling the products. It’s been my way of giving people the opportunity to be a part of our adoption journey in a small way. If you are interested in looking at the products or hosting a party for me, please let me know! You can look at my Thirty-One page here: www.mythirtyone.com/BagsForABlessing

With all of these changes, it has been evident that the Lord is preparing us for our sweet blessing. I wish I could say that it is going to be soon, but we are still trusting in the Lord’s wisdom and perfect timing. We have been approved and waiting for nine months, and our one year update will be in October. Some days the wait is easier than others. We have been contacted by our agency twice about possible placements since February, and they have not worked out. We trust that the Lord has our child chosen for us and that IN HIS TIME, we will be given the responsibility to love and care for them.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support!

 

4 months…

I’ve started this blog post several times, and several times I have stopped. I just can’t seem to find the words my heart feels.

It’s been a little over a year since the Lord revealed His plan for us to adopt and when we began this journey. It is hard to explain that it seems so long ago, but just like yesterday at the same time. However, it has only been 4 months since we have been approved and waiting. I have said it before and I will say it again that we are prepared to wait at least a year or more for a placement.

I find myself looking on Bethany’s waiting family profile page to watch families get chosen. A family who went through our last training with us was placed with a child this week. I’m hopeful that we, too, will not be waiting much longer…

So, we are just still patiently waiting and praying and remaining hopeful with guarded hearts that He will provide….

In His time…

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in HIm…” – Romans15:13

 

 

 

2 Month Update….

It’s been 2 months since our approved home study. We are asked often updates on how things are going. Every time I wished I had something better to say.

I wish we had a big announcement.

I wish I could say we have been chosen.

I wish I could say we are bringing the baby home soon.

I wish so bad we would have a baby to hold for the holidays.

I wish I could announce we have met our financial goal.

But, all I can say is we are still waiting….

I know its only been two months, but I long for something better to say. I earnestly pray every day for the things mentioned above. We are fully expecting to wait a year or more since average wait time is 14 months. It would be so much easier to just see what the future holds, but we are called by faith to trust The One who does. We are trusting that His time is perfect.

Until then, we desperately are asking for your prayers. I ask, even now, you would stop and pray for us. You can specifically pray for these things:

1. Pray we continue to have faith and trust in the Lord. Pray our eyes will remain fixed on Him. Pray we will be constantly reminded that His plan and time is perfect. (It is in this waiting time, Satan often attacks).

2. Pray the Lord will continue to provide financially. (We have currently raised $2,000 towards our adoption, but we still have a long way to go! We are so thankful for those of you who have been obedient to give. You may never know the impact you may have.)

3. Pray for a grant we have applied for. We have recently applied for a Show Hope adoption grant that provides up to $4,000 for adoptive families if selected. We are praying faithfully the Lord would provide in this way.

4. Pray the Lord will continue to prepare us to be adoptive parents. There is so much that is involved in adoption. We are praying during this waiting time the Lord will prepare us for what is to come.

5. Pray for the birthparent(s). Pray that the Lord gives them strength, comfort, peace, and wisdom as they choose a forever family for their child. Pray for their health. What a selfless sacrifice…

6. Pray we will be chosen soon! We trust His time and plan is perfect, but we do pray that it will happen soon.

We are asking and praying for these things. Trusting by faith the Lord’s will be done…

Matthew 7:7  ”Ask, and it will be given to you seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

Matthew 21:22 And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith.”

Mark 11:24  Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

John 14:13-14 Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it

Ephesians 6:18 praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints,

Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Mark 9:29  And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.”

Acts 9:40 But Peter put them all outside, and knelt down and prayed; and turning to the body he said, “Tabitha, arise.” And she opened her eyes, and when she saw Peter she sat up.

James 5:14-16 Is anyone among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. And if he has committed sins, he will be forgiven. Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another,that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

 

 

Just Love Coffee….Who doesn’t?!

We are excited to announce we have decided to partner with “Just Love Coffee” to help raise money for our adoption. They are a family business who helps families provide a way to fund their adoptions. This family knows first hand the expenses of adoption, because they have adopted children. You can read more about their journey and purpose on their website.

The holidays are quickly approaching and several people love coffee. So what better way to enjoy the holidays than with a cup of joe! Therefore, go and check out our page. For every purchase you make, we get a percentage towards our adoption. You can check out our page here: www.justlovecoffee.com/taylorsadoption

Thanks in advance, and please continue to pray for us during our journey! We have indeed been so blessed.